A message to whoever makes shoelaces:

YOU FAIL. More on that later. For now, here's my introduction.


I am John Baxter; welcome to my blag. I'm going to call my blag a blag because blogs are lame and I'll have none of it. Actually to be honest, I don't have much against blogs. They can be helpful if you're looking for porn, and you find a blog that writes about updates on porn sites, etc... but I just figured I didn't want to be involved with something that I only find useful on lonely nights.

...But maybe that's it! Nobody reads blogs (unless by chance while looking for porn) but everybody writes them. That's what blogging is all about! Making yourself feel important when nobody else cares! Ah... now I understand.

Well, I still don't want any part of it, so welcome to my blag, motherfuckers.

Mostly [ideally] this blag will contain video content, or posts that link to video content, or updates on future video content. Otherwise, it will most likely be a vehicle for me to complain, lament, and bitch about things that excite me or piss me off: Music, bands, shitty music, shitty bands, food, ceral boxes, shoelaces and anything else that strikes my fancy.

Back onto the subject of shoelaces. I bought a new pair of shoes recently, and when I tied them up, even with huge, gayngly* bows, the laces still hung loose enough to step on. I have big feet, so anybody with a few sizes smaller must even have an additional extra inch or so of lace dangling behind them. Fuck that. Shoe laces are a very simple device. It's not fucking rocket science. Whoever Vans hired to decide the length of the shoelaces that they throw in the box utterly, completely failed. That asshole better not get commission, because he doesn't deserve it.

Nobody comment and say "But lol, you can tuck them in!". No, you can't 'tuck them in'. If you tuck them the laces into your shoes, not only are they uncomfortable, but they will constantly fall out and you'll have to re-tuck them, looking just like some moronic girl who wears a tube top, constantly re-tucking their tits and armpit flab into what can only very loosely be described as a 'shirt'.

So to conclude... Please, anybody who reads this and happens to be a lead designer at a major shoe company, cut the shoelaces shorter, and thanks for reading my blag.

-JDB



*combined: gay + gangly